She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
