I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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