i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
