please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
