so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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