it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
