we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
