The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
