just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
