I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
