I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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