Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
