Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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