Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
