I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize