I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
