how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
