Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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