She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
