just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
