We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
