I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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