Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
