The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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