I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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