he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
