why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
