i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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