Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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