i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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