Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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