the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
