forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
