You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
