you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
