i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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