I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
