Is it normal to miss your booty call?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There are leaves in my underwear?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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