ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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