just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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