In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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