Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
