I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
