is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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