how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
