your thong is hanging out like whoa
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize