Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
