Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
