I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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