id be glad to
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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