If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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