Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
