i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
