My room smells like vodka and shame
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
