You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
