Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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