there was a trapeze. enough said
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
