just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I need moral support for this bender
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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