You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
