Don't you send me to vm
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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