i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
