I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
