I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
