and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
