I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
