Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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