I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
