I showed him my bush... on skype.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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