you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
vagina is talking i cant
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
