how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
