I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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