Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
operation have a gay friend backfired
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize