If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
