no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
