I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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