hotel room ftw
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
