i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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