there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
